Camp Hope: February 2017

First, let’s review. In Mrs. Doubtfire (1993), Daniel Hillard (Robin Williams) poses as an elderly British nanny so he can spend more time with his three kids after his wife Miranda (Sally Field) divorces him. Shortly after the divorce, Daniel/Mrs. Doubtfire is spending every afternoon at Miranda’s house, and Miranda is dating Stu (Pierce Brosnan), a blast from her past who’s in town to build a high-end bed and breakfast. This situation eventually implodes when Euphegenia Doubtfire is unmasked in front of Miranda, Stu, and all three kids.

So here’s the theory: Stu is the biological father of all three Hillard children. He and Miranda, who dated in college, have been hooking up on business trips once every few years since. Miranda has been in love with Stu the whole time, but he has never previously wanted to settle down and raise a family. Now that he’s getting a little older, Stu has a change of heart. So he comes to San Francisco to meet his children and pursue another serious relationship with their mother.

Stu and Miranda have some ancient and also some not-so-ancient history.

1. When Stuart first shows up to Miranda’s office, her eyes light up. Stuart says, “It’s been a long time.” Miranda agrees.

2. At one point, Stu is at Miranda’s house and tells the kids a story about when he and their mother were juniors in college. I guess it really has been a long time.

3. When Stuart and Miranda meet one-on-one to go over interior design plans for his bed and breakfast, he tells her, “You realize I’ve been following your career in the trades these past couple of years.” Wait, past *couple* of years? Maybe it hasn’t been that long since they last saw each other. Also, how many times did they see each other between college and a “couple of years” ago?

4. Miranda responds, “I was flattered you thought of me after all these (pause) years and everything.” Stu responds, “...Everything. Well… ancient history.” Miranda says, “Yeah,” fighting back tears. Okay, this guy is definitely more than just an old friend.

Miranda has loved Stu this whole time.

5. Let me begin by repeating that Miranda’s eyes light up when Stuart first shows up to her office. She is also visibly excited when she finds out that Stu is going to start a bed-and-breakfast in San Francisco, where she lives.

6. Miranda is absolutely giddy when talking about Stu to “Mrs. Doubtfire”. She says, “He’s a client… a friend… was a friend. He is a friend. I don’t know what’s happening!”

7. At one point, Daniel suggests that Miranda never let him have sex with her when they were married. Miranda doesn’t disagree. Later, Miranda confides in “Mrs. Doubtfire” that she didn’t particularly enjoy sex with Daniel. I mean, she’s clearly been having sex with someone, at least every few years.

8. Miranda doesn’t ask for a divorce until after she finds out that Stu will be starting a business (and probably a life) in San Francisco. Daniel suggests taking a vacation and doing couples counseling. She says it’s too late because they have nothing in common. Daniel says, “Sure we do - we love each other. We love each other, don’t we?” Miranda simply responds, “I want a divorce.”

Stu moved to San Francisco because he’s finally ready to settle down and be a family man.

9. Stu shows up out of seemingly nowhere (okay, seemingly England, but that’s pretty far away) to start a business and probably a life in San Francisco, where Miranda and her family live.

10. Stuart called Miranda’s company and specifically requested her to do the interior design for his bed and breakfast.

11. When Miranda shows Stu her sketches for the bed and breakfast and gives him an in-depth explanation of her vision, he just says, “You look better than ever.” She continues on with her explanation, and Stu says, “I’d love to get reacquainted” and asks her out to dinner.

12. Stu’s friend Ron is shocked to see him at the club pool with three kids. Stu tells him that he’s been seeing Miranda, and they’re her kids. Ron says, “You? The guy who’s never having kids? Won’t have anything to do with kids? You won’t even date a woman who’s got kids!” Stu says, “People change, Ron. I’m pushing forty; I don’t want to spend the rest of my life by myself.”

Some lines that suggest Stu and Daniel both know Stu is the biological father

13. Stu goes on to tell his friend Ron that he’s crazy about Miranda’s kids, especially Natalie, the youngest. It’s hard to believe that a guy who hates kids would just fall in love with any three kids. Also, wouldn’t the youngest one be the most childlike and therefore hardest for him to like? Could it be that he loves them so much because they’re all his kids, and he’s trying extra hard with Natalie because he still has a chance to be there during her childhood?

14. At the pool, Natalie says to Stu, “Your tummy looks different from my daddy’s.” He gives a humored smile and doesn’t really know how to respond.

15. When Miranda shows up an hour early to pick up the kids from Daniel’s apartment, he says, “You’re my goddamn kids too!” Too? As in biologically you’re Stu’s, but I raised you?

16. During this same scene, Daniel suggests that Miranda never let him have sex with her while they were married. I mean, someone had to make those kids.

17. “Mrs. Doubtfire” walks into Miranda’s house one day, and Stu is there. Miranda says, “This is Stu. He just wanted to come home and meet the kids.” Daniel replies, “Oh, did he?” Stu then tells “Mrs. Doubtfire” that Miranda has told him a lot about her. Daniel says, “Odd. She’s never mentioned you.” Never as in...the whole time I’ve been raising your kids?

18. Miranda then pulls the nanny aside and giddily tries to explain who Stu is. “He’s a client… a friend… was a friend. He is a friend.” Daniel says, “What is he?” I mean seriously though, Miranda, what is he?

19. In this same conversation, Miranda asks “Euphegenia” how long it took her to feel sexual desire after her husband’s death. The nanny says, “Once the father of your children is out of the picture, the only solution is total and lifelong celibacy.” Is Daniel actually explaining why he thinks his ex-wife stopped having sex with him?

20. In her phone interview with Miranda, “Mrs. Doubtfire” says that for the past fifteen years, she’s been raising someone else’s children, to whom she got attached. We never actually find out how old the eldest Hillard daughter is, but she looks about fifteen to me.

21. The first time Daniel meets the kids while dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, he tells Natalie that she reminds him of Stuart Little, a character who is raised by an adoptive father.

22. I’ll repeat that this movie is about Daniel posing as a nanny. Think about the symbolism there.

If you haven’t seen the classic 90’s comedy, Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey) and best friend Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels) share a shabby apartment in Providence, Rhode Island. In the first few minutes of the movie, both of them are fired from their jobs, but not before Lloyd, a limo driver, falls in love with Mary Swanson (Lauren Holly), a woman he drives to the airport. After Lloyd sees that Mary has left one of her briefcases at the airport, he convinces Harry to drive with him all the way to Aspen, Colorado, where Lloyd hopes to return Mary’s briefcase and get her to fall in love with him. Eventually the guys open the briefcase and find millions of dollars inside, which they use to fund their stay in Aspen as they unsuccessfully try to hook Lloyd up with Mary.

Okay, so here's the theory: Lloyd really is in love with Mary. That’s clear from about five minutes into the movie until the end. So who is Harry’s love interest this whole time? Lloyd. Think about it. Lloyd’s motive to drive all the way to Aspen is pretty clear. So what’s in it for Harry? What is he getting out of this 32 hour one-way trip? Other than a ton of quality one-on-one time with the man he loves, I’d say nothing. Lloyd, who needs Harry’s van to get to Aspen, is aware of his friend’s secret love for him and uses it to his advantage.

Harry is not into women.

1. After losing his job, Harry says he regrets spending his whole life savings on turning his van into a dog. Lloyd says, “Chicks love it. It’s a shaggin’ wagon.” Harry is clearly not encouraged by this and doesn’t respond. A few minutes later, Lloyd tries to convince Harry that they should both go to Aspen. He calls it a place where “the women flock like the salmon of Capistrano”. Harry is obviously not persuaded by this at all.

2. Okay, let’s talk about Fraida Felcher. In an iconic (iconically gay) hot tub scene, it’s revealed that she was dating Harry and cheated on him with Lloyd. Is it possible that Harry, being gay, didn’t do all the physical things Fraida wanted him to, so she had sex with nearest guy?

3. Later, Harry asks a masseuse if he can put on her uniform and give her, well, the least sexual message anyone has ever seen. Realistically, he might have just wanted to wear the uniform.

4. At the snow owl benefit in Aspen, Mary’s stepmom tries to set Harry up with Mary, who would obviously be out of his league. But Harry doesn’t seem interested and keeps trying to bring up Lloyd.

5. This is how Harry sits next to Mary on the ski lift when they’re supposedly on a date. Then, when Mary tries to flirt with him, he basically roughs her up.

6. When Harry takes her home, Mary kisses him on the cheek and asks for a second date. Harry agrees, but doesn’t exactly seem enthusiastic about the kiss or the invitation.

7. Another beautiful woman Harry met at a gas station somewhere in the midwest, who turns out to be a federal agent, spots Harry at the hotel in Aspen and says, “Hey, Harry. You never called!” Harry doesn’t act interested. Instead he asks, “What are you doing here?”

Harry is totally in love Lloyd.

8. Harry gets jealous when he realizes why Lloyd wants to go to Aspen.

9. Harry seems to have a soft spot for Lloyd, as he agrees to go to Aspen when Lloyd says, “I’m sick and tired of having nobody.” Let me repeat that this trip has no clear benefit for Harry. Either Harry just really cares about Lloyd’s feelings, or he really wants some alone time with him. Or both.

10. Even when Harry knows better, he goes along with all of Lloyd’s ideas, like when Lloyd decides to put their bill on Sea Bass's tab at the diner.

11. When Lloyd asks Harry to pull over so he can pee, Harry talks Lloyd into just whipping his dick out right there and peeing in a beer bottle.

12. Look how happy Harry is to be on the back of that motorcycle with Lloyd.

13. Near the end, Harry tells Lloyd he stabbed him in the back by having sex with Fraida Felcher. But wait, is Harry mad because Fraida had sex with someone else or because Lloyd had sex with someone else?

14. Harry shows his true love for Lloyd at the end by going into his hotel room with a bulletproof vest and volunteering himself to be shot, all to save Lloyd’s life.

15. Okay, taking a bullet for someone is almost as unselfish as it gets, but there was something in it for Harry here, as he got the satisfaction of hearing Lloyd’s devastation when he thinks Harry’s dead.

16. Harry tries to hide his pleasure when Mary’s husband shows up.

Their friendship is based mostly on Lloyd taking advantage of Harry, and Harry being okay with it because he’s in love with Lloyd.

17. Lloyd is shown taking a taxi home from work. He clearly doesn’t have a car, and therefore can’t get to Aspen without Harry.

18. The guys run out of money in Nebraska. So obviously Lloyd not only needed Harry’s van, but also a second person to split all the costs.

19. Lloyd has a habit of taking advantage of people. He sells their dead bird to a blind kid who lives in their building.

20. Harry tells Lloyd to spend the last of *their* money on the bare essentials. He goes out and buys a paddle ball, some pinwheels, a 40 gallon hat, two cases of beer, and a copy of Rhode Island Slut.

21. Do you think Harry would have sold Lloyd out like this if he accidentally hit someone with a salt shaker?

22. There’s an iconic Dumb & Dumber moment when the guys pass a man and a woman on the street in Aspen. Harry says, “Look at the butt on that.” Lloyd responds with, “Yeah, he must work out.” With this simple response, Lloyd manages to acknowledge that Harry was referring to the man, thereby revealing that he knows about his friend’s sexuality, as well as reinforce his own heterosexuality by desexualizing the fact that the man’s butt is nice.

23. When Lloyd realizes Mary would rather spend time with his gay friend than him, he poisons Harry.

24. At the very end, after Harry has saved his friend’s life, Lloyd finally shows some appreciation. As the guys are walking in the desert after the motorcycle breaks down, a bikini tour bus stops and tells them they need two oil boys. Knowing it would make Harry jealous to see Lloyd rubbing oil on beautiful women all the time, he tells the bus to find two other guys.

All the gay imagery and symbolism might be hints about Harry’s feelings for Lloyd.

25. This phallic imagery is probably pretty self-explanatory. But just in case there’s any question, the first picture is of the penis and testicles that Harry gave a snowman, and the second is of a foot long hot dog he bought for one of his pooches. (He bought a wienerschnitzel for one of the others.)

26. Most of these gay sex allusions probably don’t need an explanation either, but a few do. In the sixth picture, Lloyd is biting a waiter’s crotch in a fantasy fight sequence. Then, in the third to last picture, he’s trying to administer mouth-to-mouth CPR. The bottom two photos both involve male-on-male urine. In one, a Pennsylvania state cop is unknowingly drinking a bottle of Lloyd’s pee (and putting both lips around the bottle like he’s giving a blowjob), while in the other, Lloyd is telling Harry to go ahead and pee while he’s on the back of the bike.

27. Let’s talk about these other gay allusions. In the first picture, Lloyd is telling Mary about the pet store he and Harry were planning to open. Two single male roommates opening a pet store? It’s very similar to two "bachelors" adopting pets together, which, to be fair, is very gay. In the second shot, you have the most fabulous couple on the slopes. Then, if the whole two guys on a motorcycle thing isn’t gay enough for your liking, you’ll be happy to know that “Where I Find My Heaven” was playing during the motorcycle montage.